Robert Eau Young and the Murderous Miracle Cure

It seems incredible that somebody could actually write this, in the 21st century rather than the 13th, but perhaps the biggest WTF of all stems from the fact that there are woo-prone idiots out there who are ignorant enough to believe this weapons-grade quack and enthusiastically promote the expensive pile of deadly fuckwittery that he sells:

Articles of Health are the writings of Robert O. Young D.Sc., Ph.D., based upon his theory that the human organism is alkaline by design and acidic by function. He suggests that there is only one sickness and one disease which is caused by an over acidification of the blood and then tissues due to an inverted way of living, eating and thinking. There is no way to have health and acidity — health and alkalinity is the way!

Robert O Young

Robert O Young pretending to be a scientist

We’ve examined this virulent piece of walking Stupid before. He has an intellectual midden on Blogger where he posts certifiable whackjobbery like this: The Cause and Cure for Breast, Ovarian, Uterine, and Prostate Cancer. His schtick, as you have no doubt gathered, is that all our ills come from acidity. It’s complete bollocks. I’ve already covered it, others have already covered it, there’s no more to be said. Although admittedly, it does bear repeating. So repeat it, pass it on. This guy’s woo can be deadly. It has already killed.

In the meantime, back to the meandering piece of poorly-connected drivel that he serves up on his blog. Eau seems to have the attention span of a dead tapeworm at times, or maybe he’s been trying to ape that awesome Old Spîce ad where an incredibly hot guy zaps all over the place before he ends up sitting on a horse while making my old Dad’s aftershave sound sexy (Note to the SO: no, I am not going to buy it. End of discussion). A lot of the horrific medical misinformation in this crap has been covered in detail by more qualified bloggers than me, so I’ll just excerpt the more moronic bits. It’ll be a change for all of us. What the hell, it’s summer. We’ll take it as a given that practically all the claims of benefits for any particular treatment are unsubstantiated, even wildly improbable, and that claims of safety and effectiveness are… well, ditto. I may have a shot at them later, when the airport novel season is over.

Now, this fruitbat is currently facing 18 felony charges in California, including practising medicine without a licence and grand theft. Bear that in mind, as some of this blatant bullshittery has been posted since he was arrested in Jan 2014. Of course it’s not going to stop him. I suspect even going to jail wouldn’t stop him. The latest post to his blog is entitled Personal Colon Hydrotherapy. It’s a (very expensive, knowing our man) movable chair setup that you’re supposed to install in the Smallest Room, so that you can squirt water, with the optional addition of herbs and garlic – I am not making this up –  up your arse in an allegedly dignified manner. Oddly enough, the things you’re supposed to be able to do with it don’t include using it as a sex toy prior to anal rumpy-pumpy.

Remember what Terry Pratchett wrote about multiple exclamation marks? Good. Now admire this:

“Ebola is a phantom virus – IT DOES NOT EXIST!!!!!! A virus is a NON-LIVING ENTITY! So what is non-living that can permeate the cell membrane and damage the DNA? Can you say ACID!!!!!!!!!!! The only cure for excess metabolic, dietary, environmental and/or respiratory acidosis which is the cause of ALL sickness and disease, is an alkaline lifestyle and diet.”

That’s from Ebola Outbreak in West Africia or Acidic Lifestyle and Diet?. Yes, Africia. I’d say that maybe this unadulterated fuckwit should go to West Africa and try treating Ebola patients with bottles of water – without protective clothing, obviously, since the virus doesn’t exist – but I wouldn’t wish such horror on people dying of that terrible disease.

Let’s have a butcher’s at his expertise in diabetes, since he’s all about diet. Diet is an important element in managing diabetes, whichever type you have, after all.

Just STOP Managing Your Diabetes!


Type II Diabetes is an inflammation of the small and large intestines due to an acidic lifestyle and diet and is 100 percent preventable and reversable (sic) with an alkaline lifestyle and diet.

Now, if Young’s diploma were worth marginally more than the square root of fuck-all, he’d know that diabetes – any type – is characterised by high blood sugar levels, due to the inability of the body to produce enough insulin. It’s got fuck-all to do with inflammation of the gut. Type II is progressive. You can’t reverse it. You can usually control it, at least for a while, with diet. That’s bad enough. This, on the other hand…

Type I Diabetes is chronic constipation of the small and large bowel leading to inflammation and degeneration of the intestinal villi preventing the normal production of stem cells, red blood cells and insulin producing beta cells. Type I diabetes is 100 percent preventable and reverseable (sic) in the first 3 years of diagnosis. As the small bowel heals the reduction of needed insulin is reduced up to 83 percent in the first 2 weeks of a plant-based alkaline diet.

… is so wrong it’s insane. And certainly potentially lethal. Type I diabetes is an autoimmune disease (Young spells this “dis-ease”, which tells you all you need to know about him here) where the insulin-producing cells in the pancreas are destroyed. You’re on insulin for life. It’s not preventable, not “reversible” (classic quack term, that) and if you don’t follow medical instructions, you are putting yourself at risk of disability and even a very unpleasant death. It’s at best wildly irresponsible of Young to make such claims, to the extent that his only excuse can possibly be that he has an untreated mental health problem. As to those that support him and cheer him on as a martyr? The average sheep would sneer at them for their mindlessly uncritical herd mentality.

Moving on, WTFometer convulsively gripped in my smiting hand, even though I swore I’d leave it in the box this time, here are Young’s thoughts on what constitutes a delightful, healthy and refreshing drink:

Just 16 oz of fresh celery juice a day can transform your health and digestion in as little as one week.

Since celery is a powerful allergen, I’ll bet it can. Celery is also an incredibly boring food, on its own: the flavour has only four components, making it easy to synthesise. What is it with these healthtards insisting on squeezing all the good stuff out of a food and just drinking the juice? What about fibre? See how it transforms your health and digestion if you cut that out.

Ooh, pervy things you can do with a lemon now:

Rub a sliced lemon over the burning sole/foot/heel to relieve from pain and for toxin elimination through the pores of the feet.

Toxin elimination through the pores of the feet? Look, can’t you just say “sweating” like a normal person? Ah, yes of course, silly me. Maybe it would make your feet smell nice, but I for one am not going to rub bits of highly acidic fruit on feet made hot and sensitive by too much walking.

There’s a lot of puff involving some “natural body builder” called Johnny Reeves. Reeves is a classic mark for the sort of WTFuckery Young touts. He’s inexperienced, clearly not very bright, and definitely not given to critical thinking. He also has the same pop-eyed, semi-stoned stare as Michele Bachmann. After less than a minute of his painfully awful video testimony, my eyes were watering for his.

There’s a lot of drivel about cancer. Mostly breast cancer, it seems, which gives us a good idea of the demographic Young is preying on. However, the best way to sum up his approach to all things medical is this quote:


Dangerous fucking idiot. And there are paranoid morons who listen to his unremitting verbal suppurations and adhere blindly to what he says, even though it can kill them. It’s not as if he chooses relatively innocuous, self-limiting conditions to lie about. Oh no, Robert “My proprietary alkaline water cures everything” Young quacks about cancer, diabetes, lupus, HIV…

I hope California throws the fucking book at him. It should have been done long ago. Now please excuse me: I need a cheeseburger to wash the brain-dead prattling about quinoa and tasty celery juice out of my mind. I don’t even particularly like meat, let alone burgers, but something in that relentlessly moronic hawking of unnatural “natural” diets has given me a craving.

About Anarchic Teapot

I use a pseudonym for a very good reason. When you see the hate and aggression emanating from the homeopathy shills and anti-vaccination loons, you'll understand why. Also, it's very funny to see them make all sorts of wild assumptions,
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